How Lions Hunt, a parable...

FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK
Humor & Satire by Sam DiBernardo

How Lions Hunt, A Parable:

Humans have watched lions hunt for thousands of years and yet much of mankind has never learned the lessons gained through simple observation.

Male lions don’t, as a rule, hunt! It is the female lions that hunt and they hunt as a group of two, three or more. Sometimes the lionesses are sisters and often not but, they form a team. There is no hierarchy here, no rank, no subservience just team work with usually the most successful lioness taking the lead. There is no equivocation; the other lionesses give her the lead position without jealousy knowing that giving her that responsibility will lead to a successful kill and food enough for all in the pride and especially the cubs.

How and why they actually hunt is not an act of cruelty but an act of survival and nature.

First they stalk their prey and select a “target” usually an old, infirm or injured animal. Then they stealthily move into position making sure they are neither seen, heard or smelled. They will almost crawl, in by inch, against the wind until perfectly positioned. One slip and the prey will be spooked and they will take off and a chance for a meal will be gone. If that happens too often the pride will dwindle and be conquered by a stronger and more successful group. Once they feel they are perfectly positioned the attack begins— with the first snap of a twig the prey animals panic and often scatter in many directions but the lionesses, “the sisters” are focused as they head for the kill. High speed for short distances is the rule (lions are not the fastest beasts of prey) and attack in several directions; the lead sister will run down and trip the hapless prey and go directly to the throat, bite through to the jugular vein and not let go. The other sisters will go for the gonads, haunches and the soft underbelly and it is all over in a few short minutes or even seconds.




Seeing the lead sister clamp on to its prey’s throat is a sight that is as awesome as the act is violent and efficient as it is deadly! The beauty of a tawny colored muscular lioness bringing down a zebra or eland in a death-lock at the throat is an action snapshot of such beauty that even primitive man recorded in cave drawings and myth…

The big male sits and watches as if being entertained and after the kill moves in for what is called the lion’s share but, leaves food for all the others. There is a reason for this as well in nature’s plan. If he is the biggest and the strongest he becomes the alpha male; the one who will mate with the sisters and the lion who will pass on his genes to the next generation. If he is big and the strongest he will defeat any challenger and his line will survive and be passed on. If not, if defeated, even his cubs will be killed—that’s natures plan as well.

When one of the lionesses comes into estrus and begins to ovulate she is mounted and the big male will have sex with her over and over again all day long with only mock complaints. The lioness will let the male know she is “ready” and she will not be put off by laziness or lack of interest—she knows how to get the male to perform and perform and perform up to 18 or more times or until, as expected, he drops from exhaustion.

Funny you should ask: If smiles on lions’ faces could be detected it would be on some sated sister lionesses’ face. My sense of satire dictates that the male can be found asleep in front of his tv on some sofa in his den…

Sam DiBernardo

PS, Remember, if you can’t laugh at yourself someone else will!!!